Dear Friend In Your Twenties...

Dear friend in your twenties,

Hey! How’s it going? If your back isn’t hurting you yet, consider yourself blessed. Now, I’m only about six months into being 30 so I’ll start off this letter by admitting that I don’t have it all figured out but I’m hoping to share with you something I’ve learned in the last ten years.

As I reflect on my twenties, I’m reminded of some of the most precious highs and difficult lows which the Lord used to mold and shape me into who I am today. And trust me, He’s still not done, I’ve got a long way to go (lol). Within that jammed-packed decade, I moved away from home, got engaged, broke off an engagement, got a bachelors degree, made a lot of mistakes, surrendered to Christ, got my real first adult job, got connected to an awesome church, got to know God more by studying the Bible and theology, grew and served in community, learned about who I was in Christ and what gifts He’s given me to share with others, was discipled, discipled others, started a blog, traveled to new places for the first time, went blonde, walked through health issues with my family, made a career change into full-time ministry, lived with roommates, lived on my own, laughed a lot, cried a lot, gained friends, lost friends, attended weddings, attended funerals, saw my friends have babies, gained so much through difficulty, got a puppy, waited on prayers to be answered, grieved and adapted to several changes. I guess you can say, a lot can happen in ten years.

Although there are a lot of things that can happen in those ten years, there was a certain type of pressure that came along with it. Pressure to make the right major life decisions, pressure to build a reputation and future for yourself, and a pressure to “find your true self.” With these pressures, it is so easy to become self-absorbed in the most subtle ways without even realizing it. If I can encourage you to do anything in your twenties, please do not fall into this trap. When you find your thought life consumed with concern for yourself all the time, take a step back and re-focus your perspective.

“Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ, and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.” -C.S. Lewis

When our perspective is self-focused and small it won’t get us far in the long-run. We were created by our creator, for our creator, and in His image. If we go around trying to find identity, worth, or purpose in anything else (especially ourselves), we will fall short from finding deep satisfaction and contentment. When the world tells us to look to ourself in your 20s, dare to look to Jesus. In Him you will find what you are searching for and all that you were created to be.

You are loved by the great shepherd who cares for your soul, who will lead you through every season. He sees how lonely, difficult, and painful some of the things you’ll walk through in your 20s are, He understands and He doesn’t plan on leaving your side through any of it. He will use all that you walk through to mold you and refine you, for your ultimate good. The identity you are trying to create has already been given to you through the work of Christ alone. The love and affirmation you are longing for is freely available in relationship with Jesus, come to Him and receive it. The purpose you’re striving to find has already been assigned to you: to know and enjoy God, to co-labor with Him the gifts He’s given you here and now for the glory of His name.

“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” - Matthew 10:39 ESV

One day we will face our last here on this earth and I don’t want to look back knowing I spent it all on just myself (including “serving” others for something in return out of selfish gain). So when the world tells you to cling onto the life you can build for yourself in your twenties, be radical to surrender it all to Jesus instead. You will see Him do greater things with the life He’s given you than you could think up on your own.

Allow your perspective to be bigger than yourself, fix it upon God and delight in Him and all that He is. Resting in His finished work will free you up from caring about what others or even you might think of yourself. This will allow you to see that you don’t need to live out your days trying to gain what Christ has already given you at the cross. Knowing that Christ served you when you least deserved it should stir you on to serve Him and those around you. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you to be more aware of how you can serve God and the people in your day to day that He has called you to.

One short read that profoundly impacted me in my 20s was Tim Keller’s “The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness.” In his book he said something that I always carry with me, “...the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.” Just as Christ came to serve and not be served, may we, by His strength, live out our days pointing not to ourselves but His sacrificial, loving character who laid down His life for His beloved.